A Powerful Path for Parenting with Punam V. Saxena

Embark on a transformative journey with Punam Saxena, a beacon in the parenting and education arena, as she unfolds the layers of modern parenting through her books, "Powerful Parenting" and "Parent Power". Punam's insights as a seasoned teacher and parent impact coach are a lighthouse for those navigating the choppy waters of raising children in today's society. Our conversation meanders through the hero's journey, not just as a narrative arc for storytelling but as a metaphor for the parental odyssey, culminating in strategies that fortify educational partnerships and champion effective advocacy for our children's needs.

The tapestry of parenting is ever-evolving, and this episode stitches together the complexities we face—balancing the relentless cycle of work, family obligations, and the generational shifts in parenting philosophies. We share anecdotes and personal motivations that illuminate the path for parents striving to provide love, security, and safety in the whirlwind of modern life. And as we peel back the layers of Punam's own narrative, we uncover the profound impact of parent advocacy in education, particularly for immigrant families, and the treasure trove of wisdom she provides in guiding children through the labyrinth of educational systems.

Find Punam V. Saxena’s Books :  here:
Powerful Parenting: 101 Ways to Stay Positive
https://amzn.to/48RuviZ
Parent Power: Navigate School and Beyond
https://amzn.to/47V0dKV
My BookBub review:  https://www.bookbub.com/reviews/1312339649?source=link_share

Punam V. Saxena’ books are available wherever books are sold 
Website:  https://punamvsaxena.com
Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/punam.v.saxena/
Instagram:  https://instagram.com/punam_saxena
Twitter:    https://twitter.com/punamspeaks
LinkedIn:  https://linkedin.com/in/punam-saxena-m-ed-7981b9124/
Parenting blog:  https://punamvsaxena.com
Uma Das and Her Two Worlds is due out in April, 2024  (A children’s book)

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome back everyone to the Writers Parachute. We're guiding author and writer dreams to a perfect landing. We're back today with another episode and a very special guest. We have with us Hunam Saxena and we're going to be talking to her about her two books Powerful Parenting and Parent Power. But, of course, we have all of the housekeeping to get out of the way. First, we want to go ahead and ask you to go ahead and hit that like button, smash the bell, smash that subscribe button, go ahead and send us to your friends, share, like and tell everyone about us. Of course, you can follow us on social media. We are on Facebook, instagram, tiktok, twitter and now on Threads and Blue Sky at Writers Parachute. That's Writers Parachute without an S, so you can go follow us there. Of course, if you would like to get updates in your email inbox every week about new episodes and things happening here on the Writers Parachute, you can go to sendfoxcom, slash the Writers Parachute and sign up for our weekly newsletter and updates. So we encourage you to do that. Of course, anytime you have any questions, recommendations or concerns, please reach out to us at infoattherwritersparachutecom. So let's jump into it. So, of course, when we start to show off with our topic of the week.

Speaker 1: 1:28

We are sliding into season number three, just finishing up with a few bonus episodes here for season two, but we wanna get you set up right for season three. Season three we're gonna focus on storytelling. Season two we talked about reviews, so we're going to try and get you ready for that. So one of the things that we wanna talk about in storytelling is the hero's journey. Hero's journey is pretty important to all stories, all books, whether they are fiction or nonfiction or something else. They all involve some form of a modified hero's journey, and so what we're talking about is they're generally always like a call to action. There's something that changed or happened. That starts the story. If nothing changes or nothing happens, if it's just a regular day, then it's not really much of a story, unless there's something integral that's already happened, that maybe or is setting up for a change later on. But something is going to happen and that's your call to adventure. Also, there's usually a test or enemies.

Speaker 1: 2:42

Again, if you're talking about nonfiction, this could be whatever your topic is. The call to action could be why you need to know this information. Your test or enemies might be why it's important to know this information, why you specifically need this information or this help, and generally you reach into what they call the abyss, which is a challenge or deal. It's kind of what they mean by the abyss is there's no way to go back. You must always continue forward.

Speaker 1: 3:19

Again translates to nonfiction. There's always a challenge if somebody's teaching you something or sharing some information. There's a challenge as to why you don't obviously already know that. So, again, it always translates to any book or story out there. And then the next thing is either the reward, the elixir or the boon. This is the thing that they're searching for. It's either to solve the problem, to learn something, to get something, or the benefit. If you're learning something, what's going to change in your life when you learn this? And then, of course, you have the conclusion, or the return or the end of the adventure, however you wanna describe it, which is basically just a fancy way of saying we're gonna sum it all up and wrap it all up and tie a neat little bow so that you can come back next time to listen to us when we're telling you a story again.

Speaker 1: 4:19

So there are so many ways of describing a hero's journey. You can search hero's journey on Google or any search engine. Myself, I went to Pinterest. I found these lovely printouts. You can go check out my Pinterest at Dona Seger Cowan One, I believe, on Pinterest and find these underwriting stuff and it just describes the hero's journey. These are mostly dealing with fiction, but you can still find stuff about nonfiction.

Speaker 1: 4:56

So the next time you're ready to tell a story, think about the ways of telling stories, the ways that we tell a story and the pieces and the parts that are important to a story and hero's journey. Now, of course, we could spend so much time diving into the subject, talking about it on and on and on, and we would love to do that, but we simply don't have the time. We're just bringing you the basic information. If you would like more information about the hero's journey or more episodes talking about the hero's journey, please reach out to us at info, at the Writers Parachute and, of course, you can leave comments here under the episode and we'll try to get back to you and get you that information as quickly as we can. So let's get on with our show. We have a big show today. I am so excited to have Poonam Saxena with us. She is an author, speaker, parent, impact coach, a doctoral student and if that isn't enough, heavyweight behind her. She's also a podcaster and a TEDx speaker. This woman makes me feel like I am doing nothing.

Speaker 2: 6:08

I don't know about that.

Speaker 1: 6:09

Wow. Sometimes I feel like I'm just like, wow, where does she find all that energy? So we're gonna talk to her about her two books. Two books, count them. Her most recent one is powerful parenting 101 ways to stay positive. It is a parent affirmation journal, which I think is absolutely genius. She also has her first book, the Parent Power, which is Navigate School and Beyond. Poonam is a parent impact coach who works with parents to empower them to build relationships with teachers, administrators and advocate for their children in schools. With over 30 years of experience as a teacher and as a school advocate, she has implemented strategies for efficiency for students in schools. She is the author of two books. She is a TEDx speaker, she's an SXSW speaker I'll let her explain that one in a minute and currently pursuing her doctorate. She enjoys spending time with her four children and husband, traveling, cooking and reading. Welcome to the Writers' Parish Poonam, how are you today?

Speaker 2: 7:13

I am great, and I don't think I've seen you take a breath since we hit the record button, so I'm gonna take a second here and just let you breathe, and thank you for asking me to come on. I'm super excited to talk to you about these two books and one of the things in the spirit of full disclosure, donna and I have worked together. She's been my angel when I have been trying to get these books out and I have no idea what I'm doing and Donna just swoops in and just makes it all okay. So on the outset, these books are out there because Donna is such an amazing mentor. So thank you for all your help.

Speaker 1: 7:58

Well, thank you for that. I don't know that I do a whole lot. Mostly I do kind of what I do here on my podcast. I just point at people in the right direction and I answer the silly little questions of you don't know what, you don't know till you don't know it.

Speaker 2: 8:13

Correct, correct. It's almost therapy for authors.

Speaker 1: 8:18

Exactly Well, and it brings me such joy being a teacher. As you know, even after you retire you don't stop teaching. It is just part of your DNA, it is part of who you are and you know reaching out and helping authors kind of fills and fills that need within me. So I so enjoy it and I am so thankful that you have brought me in and trusted me with your book babies and got them out into the world. I think they're amazing.

Speaker 2: 8:54

Well, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much.

Speaker 1: 8:58

You're very welcome. So we're going to talk about the last book first. Ok, not to take away from the first book, because it was great too. So your new book, powerful Parenting 101 ways to stay positive a parent affirmation journal, which, I'm going to say again, is just absolutely genius. Where were these when I was a parent?

Speaker 2: 9:20

I almost feel that way about myself Now that my kids are gone. I'm like where was this? So the book started from the idea that there's so many times I was working with clients or talking to other parents or administrators, or even my children, and I kept saying the same thing over and over and over again, and I thought you know, why don't I just write them down? And so I started writing. I had this. You know, as we all do, we start in a Word document and you just start writing.

Speaker 2: 9:54

And before I knew it I had like 75. I'm like boy, I must talk a lot Guilty, yeah, guilty. But the part that was fulfilling for me was to see the things that I would, what I say over and over, resonate with other people, resonate with other parents and teachers. Even and as I started formulating this book, it's great that there are these 101 sayings that I've been preaching, and I'll tell you why it's 101, just a second. But then I thought how can we make this active? Because reading can be very passive if you take it in that white.

Speaker 2: 10:52

But this has the, the sayings on one side and a place for you to journal on the other, and it's not in depth. It's not deep, or I want your inner most thoughts it's more about. This happened today and this quote really helped me get through the day, or this is something I'm going to focus on for the next month. Sound bites Right To give you some positive affirmation and allow you just to jot some notes down so that when you go back you can say wow, I really took that to heart, I love the fact that you you say that the book offers parents a place to reflect, inspire and pin their thoughts, while creating a positive space to celebrate their parenting skills.

Speaker 1: 11:52

We don't get that. Nobody comes out and says you know, you did a good job with that moment, you know you handle that well. It's very rare that you get that feedback and I think it's important that we give ourselves that kind of pat on the back, and especially for parents, which you know it's a job that comes with no instructions, it's almost thankless and it's really hard because, again, you know, it's like writing, there are no rules, there's only guidelines and guide rails and, let's face it, everybody goes over the wall.

Speaker 2: 12:30

Guilty, guilty, and the only place that we're going to get affirmation is from ourselves. Right, because the only time we hear how we're parenting is when we do something wrong. Let's face it. Yeah, why do we have to eat this today? Why do I have to get dressed? You know, all of those things are part of the parenting. That's the challenging part, because you're you're on repeat, it's. You know what is it? Wash, rinse and repeat. That's what parenting is. But we have to find that affirmation from within, though we know that we're doing a good job. We know that we did something good for our children today.

Speaker 1: 13:19

Right, absolutely, and you know that's. You know that's the really hard part about parenting is because, again, you could be a parent of multiple children, but each time you do it it's different. Each child is different, each situation is different and I like the idea that you know, we get to look at that and with your journal, you kind of get to go inside your head and maybe ask yourself the question could I have handled that better? You know, in that moment it's like. You know, hindsight is 2020, but you know these decisions often come in a second. You don't get a warning that your kid's gonna come and ask you this.

Speaker 1: 14:08

You know obscure question and you have to respond or react and so often it's, it's instinctual and you know, for better or worse, that's not often our best self. So I love the fact that this journal gives you that moment to kind of step back and think about it. It's like maybe next time when that comes up, I'll think, I'll think it through. It's like because oftentimes I know for that, for me it's like. It's like it was a constant revolving door of new things. It was very seldom a repeat of a similar situation.

Speaker 2: 14:47

It was always something new and bizarre and disturbing and challenging and challenging, you know, and with four children, there was always something that needed to be managed. And I was joked when they were growing up, I was in crisis management. If you did not have a crisis, you are not being managed. You are good, and we forget that. That is a skill that we develop. We're not born to manage crises, but it's part of us being a parent, and this journal gives you permission to fail and own it. Well, I love that and then get back up, because, guess what? We have to get back up tomorrow because we have children that need us and love us and we love them. So it's okay to not be at your best.

Speaker 1: 15:50

Well, I love the fact that you say it gives them permission to fail, because two thoughts on that. Number one, we don't learn anything by being perfect, but we also don't emulate and teach by being perfect. We teach and emulate by being imperfect because it is, you know, handling that crisis and often felt like when I was a parent, I didn't have time to think and reflect because everything was, as you said, crisis management, one crisis to the next, to the next, to the next. It was like, okay, I gotta get to work. Oh, I gotta get home and cook dinner. Oh, I gotta go to the grocery store. Oh, I got a laundry.

Speaker 1: 16:35

Oh, I got a kid, this, you know, this event, that event, oh, I have cost him to make. Oh, it's like I've got. You know, I'm on this committee, that committee, and it was just crisis management and there was very little breathing room. And you know, you know, my daughter laughs at me and she's tells her children she's like, you know, this grandmother that you have was not the mother that I have. And I'm like well, of course not, because I was in constant crisis management the entire time.

Speaker 2: 17:05

When I'm parenting, and my parents say the same thing. I said the same about my parents. You know my parents, my parents, are not the people I grew up with and you know they. They always say well, the grandchildren are grand. Well, you know, until I get there, I still have to manage and we for get to take that moment because we are in such a crisis mode we're in.

Speaker 2: 17:39

We're always in this heightened panic mode, especially now that we have so much access to technology and information at our fingertips, that if a text comes in, we have to answer it immediately.

Speaker 2: 17:52

If an email comes in, we have to handle it right then. That's not the case, and because we're in this heightened reactionary mode that we are, this, this life of immediacy, that we never take that moment to go. You know what? That'll still be there in five minutes, but I have my desktop, my iphone, my ipad, my laptop, everything is around me, because I feel that that immediate. You know my shoulders go up. I need to feel that way, accomplished, and we have to remember, as parents, that we're going from work to the grocery store, to cooking, to putting our children to bed, and before we put our children to bed, we're wanting to make sure that they feel loved and secure and that they're safe. So there's so many hats that we are playing throughout the day that if we don't take that moment or two to reflect on what good we did, we're just gonna implode well, yeah, and just to back up a little bit, we know when you're talking about.

Speaker 1: 19:15

You knew that. That feeling of immediacy, it's not just your immediacy, it's like, yes, you have your phone and your tablet and your laptop and your desktop and all of those things, but you also have that multiplied by the members of your family, because each child probably has a phone and or a tablet in the spouse. And you know it's like, so it's like and it's all become now your. You know lot in life to deal with it, to make those decisions, and you know the yes or no's or maybe's or organized or whatever is going along with it. So I think that it's a fascinating topic. I don't think it's a topic that has been dived into enough, especially in the arenas that you're talking about. So I know the answer to this, but I do want you to share audience. What specifically was your inspiration to talk about parenting specifically?

Speaker 2: 20:17

so I am a first generation Indian American. I was born in Auburn, alabama, which is, you know, we're all Indians congregated in the 60s. I'm joking, but my father was doing his PhD there and he and my mom are both immigrants and they're well educated. But I know now that they did not know how to navigate the education system in America because it's very, very different in India, and nor should I have, you know. But you don't know these things until you get older.

Speaker 2: 21:01

And I took the gifted test in first grade because I was I, you know I don't remember what I was reading on, but they thought I would qualify and they didn't.

Speaker 2: 21:14

And then they offered it to me in second grade again and I distinctly remember the day that my teacher said I didn't make it and I went from a high achieving all-A student to an average C student and I grew up in rural Georgia. So when you think about the 70s in rural Georgia and we talk about integration happening during that time, we were the only Indians there in our community and say they really didn't know what to do with us and we didn't have that understanding of cultural competence, of English as a second language for students. So we were kind of anomalies in our system and I just kind of fell through the cracks. And it wasn't because my parents didn't want me to be in these programs. They didn't know how to navigate the system and as hard as they tried, I couldn't get myself out of that rut. It took gosh. It almost took 25 years to come out of that situation. One test, mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 22:29

One test yeah, well, yeah, I mean, it's the power of words. You know the, the, the power of that words that, oh, you might be gifted, and that elevation of that being different and important being pulled away, you know, in a way that wasn't empowering. It's like, well, you're not exactly gifted, you're still a great student. No, they are, you just not gifted, right you?

Speaker 2: 22:59

know which is very harsh well and we and you think about it now, we think about the nuances and colloquialism so we put it on these tests, mm-hmm. But we didn't do that wasn't a thing back then. So you know I I'm okay, mm-hmm, somehow I've managed, I'm doing pretty good. But the interesting part of the story is the second Indian family that moved into our community 12 years later. Their son had the same issue. He did not pass the gifted test and my parents said you're gonna have to go advocate. And he not only got into the gifted program, he graduated as valedictorian and he went on to MIT. So I'm not saying every child is going to have that trajectory, but there is an element of parent advocacy that does help their children Because we're working together, we're not in two separate silos.

Speaker 1: 24:05

Right I see this a lot, especially when I was teaching and working as a tutor with older students is so many times you would have very good students from lower income families that their parents just simply didn't know how to navigate the scholarship system or the grant system, and so these kids were not getting to go to good colleges.

Speaker 1: 24:33

Not that junior colleges or local colleges are necessarily bad, but there is an elevated education at some of these elite schools, but they're expensive, and so these students really do need that help of scholarships and grants and these sort of things. But oftentimes the reason that they weren't able to go was because their parents had no idea. It's like oh no, don't wait till their senior year to start looking for scholarships. You should start looking for them back when they're a freshman and then, like on wait what? It doesn't occur to them because they were never trained or given the tools to know that that is the appropriate time to start looking at all of these things, which I think is what you do so well when we're talking about your first book, parent Power, which is Navigate School and Beyond. Now, it provides practical strategies to help parents and children navigate school, social media, sports and many more topics and I want to know why you think that it's important for parents and students to understand the right way to move from the school system.

Speaker 2: 25:43

When you look at the school system, when most people look at the school system, they see a bureaucratic system and that bureaucracy and those policies are generally formulated by people who've not been in the classroom since they were a student and they likely have not been educators.

Speaker 2: 26:08

And so when we're making policies that are not student focused, then we're doing our client, the student, to service and doing a disservice to them.

Speaker 2: 26:24

So when we talk about the triangulation of education, we have to have the parents as one part, one arm of it, we have to have the teachers, administrators and the district as one arm, and then we have to have that student, because the student is the only one who truly knows how they feel about the material, the curriculatives being imposed upon them, whether it's too hard, too easy, just right, or if there's a better method of delivery.

Speaker 2: 27:11

And as if we start involving the stakeholders in these meetings, then we're going to be able to create an education system that works for everyone, because teachers really want to do right by students, parents really want to do right by students, but they never ask the student what works for them. We say, oh, johnny made an F on a test. He's clearly not getting the material. Why it's generally not the grade that is a determining factor of knowledge. It is the delivery method, it is the developmental level of that student and it is the life experience that that child brings to the classroom. And we take all of those pieces out, except for that braid, and we punish them for that, without looking at all of those factors. And parents are the ones who know their children the best. Teachers have 25 students.

Speaker 1: 28:27

At minimum.

Speaker 2: 28:28

At minimum, and they are working so hard to reach every one of them. So we can't put 100% of that onus on them. We have to put it back. We have to involve the parents to be able to understand what's going on.

Speaker 1: 28:49

Well, I've had experience with some of this with my children and my grandchildren, where oftentimes there is a lot of pressure put on these teachers to teach multiple topics and subjects that they're not actually good or experienced at. They're just given the material and they're like go teach this and they may not be the best teacher with that. And I had a situation where my grandson was doing very poorly in a math class and took him aside and worked with him in math, and it wasn't that he didn't understand it, it was he was making a simple mistake over and over and over again, and so I taught him a way to check his work. It's math. The answer is all that matters, and so I'm not asking you to change how they want you to do the question or the problem. I just want you to be able to check your answer to see if maybe you did it incorrectly, because this is what was stumbling and it was a problem. And then suddenly he's skyrocketing to the top of the class and the teacher questioned it, and so I went and met with the teacher and explained it to her, and what I found out in talking to the administrators of that school was that all the students were failing that class because the teacher didn't understand the development of that teaching property of math well enough to teach it to her students. So if she was barely understanding it and then trying to teach it to students and they were and I found this happened several times where you have a child that suddenly is not doing well in a class, and I don't know that it ever occurred to me, it was almost like accidental information that I found out that maybe it isn't your student, maybe it is the environment, the teacher, the curriculum or whatever, that not just your child is failing but all of the ones in that class are failing.

Speaker 1: 30:59

And again, it could be multiple reasons. It could be the teacher, it could be the lack of training, it could be the way it's being presented, it could be a time constraint. There are hundreds of different reasons why a child is not going to learn and unfortunately we don't have the resources to tailor make education for each child. All we can do is try and do the best we can for the middle in hope that we grab the edges too. And that's not always okay.

Speaker 1: 31:30

And that's what you're advocating for is for parents to be a little more involved to try and find out why their students are not doing. But it's beyond just education. You also talk about when they're involved in school sports or in school social activities or clubs and stuff, which I thought was truly interesting, because I recall, even myself as a child, that most of the time my parents were beyond signing a permission slip or handing out money really weren't involved in any extracurricular activities, including sports and events and stuff like that. It was kind of a very hands-off approach for parents and I don't know that that's always the best way to approach that either, because you know, some parents may have a complete understanding of what it is that their student is doing, but then there's a lot of them that are just going. Well, I think I sort of know what they're doing or how they're training them or everything, and when they find out they're kind of going oh wow.

Speaker 2: 32:42

I think it's interesting, when we talk about that, that these extracurriculars are not babysitting opportunities. Yeah, they are meant to. They're called extracurriculars for a reason they're supposed to enhance what your child is receiving and teach them team building skills or problem solving skills in real time, even though it's not a math problem. But you know, if I'm on the soccer field and Susie's, you know, right next to me, I can make a 90 degree kick to her and then maybe she's going to have a better angle. All of that's not going through their head, but that's a real life activity. So when we talk about extracurriculars, there's two things that I think are really important, and I would like.

Speaker 2: 33:34

I said I have four children. They're four and a half years apart. I was at every performance, sporting event, whatever it was. I was at every one of them and it got to the point where they were like, well, you know, you don't have to come. And I said you know, I never want you to look into the stadium or into the audience and not see a familiar face, Because that gives them confidence and it makes them feel valued and important, which is a huge part of building confidence in our young people. Parents are supposed to instill that, and it's amazing what you can do with a little confidence, just a little.

Speaker 1: 34:25

Well, you know, and I think beyond that, there's a certain amount of knowledge that the parent gains from seeing their students succeed at something that they may not have been familiar with or they've never experienced in their life, but also in that building of community where the parent is interacting with the administration, with other parents, with other students. So, again, this kind of creates this community where there is a better flow of information, whereas if the parent is absent from all of this, it's like they don't get to talk to the other parents. They don't get to talk to the coaches or the people running these programs or the other students or anything of that nature. They're divorced from it and that doesn't lend itself to helping and guiding your student into more out there. And so, you know, maybe you know, as a parent you'll see.

Speaker 1: 35:33

Well, you know my, you know, because I've had this happen to my, you know my daughter. I want to try this and she'll do it. And if I had not been there, it wouldn't have been a realization for me that maybe this is something that she really thought was something else I was not doing, and so I had to make a choice at that point. Am I going to make her see it through because she asked to do this, or am I going to give her an option to back out because this is not what she wanted to do? This is not a good use of her time, which, again, you know, part of the parenting is trying to make in all of those equations. So, and if you're not there, you can't know that.

Speaker 2: 36:13

It's important to know who is with your child.

Speaker 1: 36:17

Yes.

Speaker 2: 36:19

It's important to know how they operate and to build rapport, and I talk about this so much. Building rapport and communicating are the two best ways to be an advocate for your child, know what's going on, whether it's the classroom or a sporting event, or if they're in dance or playing a musical instrument. It's important to know who they are spending time with. And when we run into issues, or when our children run into issues, then we have built that rapport on the front end. So when those challenges occur, we're not walking in, you know, raising cane. We're able to have a conversation that's logical and mature and adult, like because isn't that what we want to model for our children is adult, like problem solving. And so it's so important to front load those relationships.

Speaker 2: 37:28

And I joke, but I still have my kinder, my children's kindergarten teachers cell phone number and my phone. My children are turning in their late 30 and late 20s now and it is that kind of relationship that we built, that we became friends, and because we did that when there were issues, I would just go in and say, margaret, what's going on here? Let's have this conversation. And it wasn't adversarial, it was problem solving, right, and we weren't looking at each other from two different points of view. We were working towards the same goal, right? And that's the whole premise of all of my work is we've got to. We've got to road together.

Speaker 1: 38:25

Right and I think it's so important again, it's building that parenting toolbox. You know we don't realize when you first go into parenting you're thinking you know, I've seen other people do this, I was a child myself, I went through being parented it's like I've got this, this is not that complicated. And then you get into it You're just like, wow, you know, I didn't think about that and I didn't consider that. And you know, and it's like and how did? How did they know this and how did they figure that out? And it's, it's. It's a constant building of that toolbox and you know I do love both of these books.

Speaker 1: 39:05

I highly encourage anyone out there that is in a parent or a grand parenting situation, or even if you're co-parenting or if you're considering kids these are excellent books to just read and start that toolbox and get yourself on the right track. And the right mindset Because I think that also is a big hurdle is again we're talking about. You're constantly under this chaos and immediacy that sometimes mindset kind of gets pushed out of the way. So again, that's important too.

Speaker 2: 39:50

And just just like you were saying earlier, when we talk about the fact that you and I have all of these devices, our children have access to so much more than you and I did when we were children. Yes, I grew up in the age of rotary phones and you know making trunk call phone calls to India where we had to book an international line because there are only so many that went. So our children have access and they learn so much, so much earlier than we ever did. We really have to be more hands on and we have to be aware of giving them space to have. Now we can fail as parents, right? Sure, our children need safe fails. They need that parachute because we need them to learn from those mistakes. Right, and that's really important.

Speaker 2: 40:51

Another component of the parent power book is at the end of every chapter do I say chapter Every chapter? I have my own anecdote of why this book is, why this chapter is so important, and so I I lay it out there. This is what happened to me. This is why I'm telling you that maybe you want to try a different avenue. So, if it happens, you know we have to learn from each other. Yes, like you said there, is no manual.

Speaker 2: 41:28

I can tell you something today and it's going to work, and tomorrow it's out the window, so it's really important. The other thing I wanted to share that I forgot, on the powerful parenting one, is why is it 101? 101. So when you were in India and you give a gift of money and this goes back centuries ago you always give 100 or 50 or 10, but you always add one to it, so it's always 11. It's always 21. It's always 51 and so on. And that is because in the olden days, when you traveled and you gave people $100, 100 rupees, you always gave them that one, and so if they wanted to get a snack, or they wanted to get tea or they wanted to get a soda, they didn't have to break the 100. And so we always add just one for good measure.

Speaker 1: 42:35

I love that. And who can? I mean it was like cookies. I mean wouldn't it be great if there was 101 in the pack instead of 100? You know, that little extra one you could save back for, you know, for then, just that moment when you really need that cookie.

Speaker 2: 42:52

Yes, exactly. So I always think in that mindset of what's the extra one, what does that extra one bring to the table?

Speaker 1: 43:04

Right, absolutely. That is wonderful. So we're going to shift gears a little bit and focus a little bit more about the writing process. So I would know if you could go all the way back to the beginning, when you were starting to think about these ideas and write this book. What's it that you wish that you had known or that somebody told you before you got started?

Speaker 2: 43:28

It is a longer process than you can ever imagine that it takes for it to be a book worthy of someone else reading. It can't be as conversational as you and I are being. It needs to have depth and thought and meaning behind the purpose of those words, and I wish someone had told me that, because that would have taken that stress off of me of trying to finish it in you know six months or however long it took me to write the first one, to savor it. You're never going to have the first book again. You're never going to have a second book again, third, fourth, whatever it is, and savoring that writing process is just sacred. It's you and the page and it's an emotional journey.

Speaker 1: 44:38

And so I would say that as a coach, I probably say this to every single one of my writers and authors is celebrate every moment, because it does only come once it's your 25th book. That moment of having the idea clear in your head, that only comes once. The idea getting it down in that first draft, that only comes once. The the moment when it's ready to send off to the editor, that only comes once. That moment when you get that copy in the mail and you open that package and hold it in your hand, I don't care how many books you've written. Every single time it is a moment in time and if you just let it fly by, if you just don't give it the space to celebrate, you do kind of regret it.

Speaker 2: 45:36

You do, you do, and it goes back to to affirming all of the work that you put in. That's the moment that you celebrate and you affirm your ability to put something out in the world. That's that's uniquely yours. I don't know how many self help books there are out. There are parenting books out there. There are hundreds of thousands of them, but none of them are like yours.

Speaker 1: 46:07

No, no, no, you know, and that's it. You know, everybody has unique voice and it comes across when they're writing and publishing a book, and there's always somebody out there that needs to hear it the way you say it or the way you tell it, or the way you present it or the way that you structure it or put the information together, because they may have read you know 2030 books about parenting and they don't click. But they come along and they see your book and they read you know parent power and they're like Now I get it. The light bulb goes off and they're like oh, okay, now those other books start making sense.

Speaker 2: 46:51

That way, there's a light bulb on my, on the book. Yep, and you're right, and it's just like being a student in a classroom. Is the delivery, is the tone, is the, the connection to the words and that is something that I think, as an author, you have to take time to appreciate is your voice is powerful.

Speaker 1: 47:21

Yes, absolutely, and there is always somebody waiting desperately to hear what you have to say. So, taking that into consideration, what advice would you give to other authors and writers who have a passion about a particular topic, like you do about parenting?

Speaker 2: 47:43

I would tell them to take it and sit with it and dream about it and process how you want to deliver this amazing passion that you have. And then when you've, you've got that. You know we always say outline, outline, outline, but sometimes it just formulates in your head and you don't need the outline in a formal sense because you've already thought about the pieces you want to incorporate. And so I think doing some deep thinking and deep reflection of why it needs to be out in the world is the most important part of writing a book. Anybody can put words on a paper Almost anybody, sure but the purpose for it and why it needs to be told is a very different path that you have to travel down to make the book successful. For you, it doesn't matter if it hits New York Times bestseller. That should never be the goal of writing a book. The book should be to cultivate your voice and make it so that other people are empowered by your book, your words, your thoughts, and that takes a lot of processing.

Speaker 2: 49:26

You can't throw it out there.

Speaker 1: 49:28

Oh no, I think that's a very powerful advice and in fact I don't even stop and think about it, but not so much when I'm working on fiction, although I probably do sort of a modified version of this. So it's like, especially when I'm doing something more nonfiction, I almost have this moment in my head where I imagine I'm in front of a crowd talking about what's going to be in my book and it really does kind of help me clarify what really was important, what was really just kind of extras, and it's almost like outlining in your head. It's almost like having that conversation with yourself to try and go well, yeah, it's great to sit down and put all this stuff in a book form, but let's flip it to the other side. It's like how are you going to get people to understand what it is that you're trying to tell them? It's like the knowledge is out there. We're just presenting it in a different way to come to a certain conclusion or concept or idea or benefit.

Speaker 1: 50:34

And so how do you get there? And it's like, sometimes working in reverse is sometimes faster than just going to the straight line. It's like how do you build a railroad through the mountain? Well, not straight. Can you go around it? I mean, it's like, yes, you want to go straight through, but who knows what kind of rocks are in the middle of that mountain. So it's like sometimes you have to reverse engineer.

Speaker 2: 51:03

The other thing is you were talking is that there's no one way to get to the end of a book. No, everybody's process is different. Everybody does it in their own way. When I started writing a book, I had no idea how to write a book. I was just writing and then all of a sudden I'm like, oh well, if I can write about this, then I can write about this, and then I can write about this, and then I can write about this. And I was pulling from the podcast because those were the topics that were of interest to me, which is why I sought out those guests and that's how I wrote my book. But the podcast part of it getting those guests was intentional, because I wanted to make sure that I had these subjects covered, because that was important.

Speaker 1: 51:56

Well, and again, what were you doing with the podcast? You were talking through this information with knowledgeable people to decide what was important, what wasn't important, how to present it in a new, unique or different way. So yeah, kind of the same thing as where I was doing the speech in my mind.

Speaker 2: 52:18

Yes, absolutely, absolutely. I think doing the speech is great. Stand in front of your mirror and throw it out there.

Speaker 1: 52:28

Well, yeah, I tell a lot of my clients. It's like if you're having trouble with your book, whether fiction, nonfiction, it's like sit down and what would you say to somebody you're having coffee with, right, if you're having to really stop and have this really long conversation and explain, but oh, but you need to know this. It's like wait, you're not presenting it. Well, no, I'm telling a good story.

Speaker 2: 52:57

We need to refine that just a little bit, right, so, but it's important. It's an important process to go through.

Speaker 1: 53:05

Yes, it absolutely is. So you've also given TEDx talk about parenting, so we want to know for audience here we don't get too many TEDx speakers but what was your experience with that and what was your main takeaway for parents?

Speaker 2: 53:26

It was a surreal moment. You know, you get to stand on the red dot, the red circle, and, first of all, couldn't even believe that. She called me and said, hey, you're in, and I'm like. I asked her I think I asked her five times Are you serious, me, me? And she said, yes, we love your idea. I'm like okay, so my big idea was the key to enhancing student success, and that's the title of my TED talk. And guess who it is? It's parents, not rocket science, when you're looking at it from my lens, because they're the missing piece. We go back to that triangulation that we talked about earlier, but it was the most surreal experience I've ever had in my life.

Speaker 2: 54:28

I've always been shy in public speaking. I really don't like talking to large crowds, or I thought I didn't, but I stood there knowing that my message was important, that someone was going to feel validated from my story and the anecdotes that I was sharing, and there's nothing quite like your big idea being shared on the world stage. The most interesting part of the whole thing was we were just coming out of COVID this was 2021. And they had limited guests in the auditorium, so my husband went, but they had it streaming virtually and as I stood on that stage and I knew it was being streamed virtually, I knew that my family in India, in Japan, in Africa, in Europe were all watching and I get goosebumps just even talking about it, because that's validation that your family, whatever time it was across the world that they thought it was important enough to be able to stand, to get up and watch me present that talk. And that's a pretty talk about pad on the back. That was a huge pad on the back.

Speaker 1: 56:19

Great validation. And for those of you who are listening, don't worry, we're going to link for TedExTalk in the show notes. You guys can go check that out. I think it is well worth your time. Whether you're here or somewhere else around the world, You'll get to enjoy that. You describe yourself as a parent impact coach. It's an unusual title and I want to know what a parent impact coach has to offer and who would benefit from that kind of coaching.

Speaker 2: 56:53

So my work centers around parents and breaking down those barriers. As we probably have surmised through this conversation that schools and parents work in different silos, and my goal is to break down the barriers that parents feel that they may have had traumatic experiences in school that make them or prevent them from walking through that door, or they feel they're not equipped, with the knowledge of what's happening in the schools, to walk through that door, or I am so busy I don't have time, and my goal is to break down all of those preconceived notions that parents have and work with them in a systematic way so that they feel empowered to go and ask. I find that when we get past those first few hurdles, we're smooth sailing from there. But getting our parents over that hump is what I work on, and so I work with parents, I work with parent organizations at the schools and I also work with administrators who want to develop strategies to get parents through the door.

Speaker 2: 58:26

And then I also work with businesses, because I want businesses to know that if they want to be still there when these students graduate, they have to invest in them and they have to allow their employees an opportunity to go in and mentor these students, even if it's reading a children's book to them, one of your children's, your books to them. Because that's how we're going to cultivate that symbiotic relationship, because those professionals coming in get to talk about their profession I'm a professional speaker, or a professional writer, or I'm a banker, or I'm a lawyer, okay, well, let's start working that into our conversations and allowing our employees to go into those schools and mentor these students. So, yes, I kind of just I work the gamut, because I truly believe that there are all integral pieces in education.

Speaker 1: 59:45

And I would 100% agree with you, both from the perspective of a former teacher and the perspective of a former parent. Of course, I don't know that you're ever a former parent. I think you're always a parent. So I just have one more question about that for the benefit of our listeners. So if a business or an individual would like to reach out to you for this kind of parent impact coaching, how would they contact you Before you guys run out of the room for pen and paper? We will have this information she's going to give us in the show notes.

Speaker 2: 1:00:19

Yes, you can find me on at my website at punambsaksenacom. You can find me on Twitter by my name, facebook by my name, punam saksena. For both, my Instagram is punam speaks and I'm on LinkedIn by my name as well. I am not on threads and I don't even know the other one you said.

Speaker 1: 1:00:54

I'm like what is that I?

Speaker 2: 1:00:56

don't even know what that is and I probably need to get on it because you know, as a parent coach, I probably should know what that is. But this is the learning curve that we parents have is what? Constantly having to learn from each other on these social media sites so, yes, you can find me almost everywhere.

Speaker 1: 1:01:21

I should say All right, so you don't have a specific place that they need to go to contact you for information about the parent impact coaching programs.

Speaker 2: 1:01:33

Yeah, I don't have that up on my website just yet. We're still developing that. You can also email me at punambsaksenacom. Okay, all right.

Speaker 1: 1:01:45

Well, again, we'll put all this information for you guys up in the show notes. So we want to know and this is a crazy question because you're so busy and you're always so much doing things so we want to know what keeps you motivated, what keeps you moving forward onto the next topic, the next subject, the next book, the next topic of the talk.

Speaker 2: 1:02:18

So what motivates me is my children. They have always seen me as mom and advocate and community advocate, and now I want to be able to have those. I want to meet those credentials that they have attributed to me. I'm also wanting to because I feel I lost those 25 years. I feel like I'm trying to make up all that time by getting the doctor and writing books and speaking, and that's what motivates me. And the other thing that motivates me is my voice is important and I never knew that as I was growing up. I always felt after those two incidences that I was less than. And I'm learning that my voice is important because there is a child sitting in a classroom right now whose parents are scratching their heads trying to figure out what can I do to help my child, and that motivates me like nothing else.

Speaker 1: 1:03:42

Absolutely. I think that's amazing. So we're going to ask you a couple of questions here. So first of all, as I said, season two, we've been focusing on reviews, so we're trying to encourage our listeners and followers to read books, but to also leave reviews. They are the lifeblood of authors and writers. They're typically one of the few ways they ever get feedback from their readers, so we want you to give us a review of powerful parenting 101 ways to stay positive.

Speaker 2: 1:04:28

This Parent Affirmation Journal is a reminder that you are a strong, confident parent who can accomplish more than you believe you're capable of, who needs to believe in themselves and what their goals are for their children, and that alone is enough to call you a powerful parent.

Speaker 1: 1:05:09

Awesome. That is a five-star review. As we said, we're using our guests here. We're putting on the spot, we're asking them on the spot to write and share review with us, simply because it's not easy, but it is easy. A review is just your opinion about what you thought, what you liked, what you didn't like about a book. It can be simple and easy, as I liked the book or I thought this was good, or whatever you want to say. Again, it is an opinion and we encourage you always to leave a review tag the author, post it on social media. They will be so grateful that you did. You can always leave a review wherever you purchase the book. If, for some reason, you cannot remember or you get it from a library or something, you can always go to Goodreadscom and leave a review of the book. So please do that. So, please, what is next for you? I know there's got to be another book cooking in there somewhere.

Speaker 2: 1:06:23

So I'm closing out the coursework for my doctorate and I will start writing my dissertation in the fall. So that's one big iron in the fire. And you're right. I have another book coming out this spring and it's going to be a children's book called Umadas and Her Two Worlds, and it's about a young Indian girl who immigrates to America and how she assimilates and is accepted by her peer group. And so I have written the book and my sister in India is illustrating it, so we're going to get some authentic illustrations.

Speaker 1: 1:07:09

Awesome. I'm so excited. We'll have to bring you back sometime on season three to talk about this children's book. That's a new genre for you but I think it's right in line with what you do and I'm very excited and congratulations on the doctorate. That is so exciting and so you.

Speaker 2: 1:07:33

Well, you know, considering I never wanted to get a master's degree, I feel, I feel empowered. No time like the present, and I would tell your listeners, the people who are watching, there is no time like right now to do what you want to do.

Speaker 1: 1:07:53

Absolutely yeah, don't wait for tomorrow. As I say, I don't go to sleep at night unless I learn something new every single day. Yes you don't have to have a formal education to keep learning, so no, no. So you mentioned it earlier that you have a website where listeners can find you, but also you have your books. Can you tell us what retailers those are available on?

Speaker 2: 1:08:21

So they're available on Barnes and Nobles and they're on Goodreads and then also on Kramer's bookstore in DC.

Speaker 1: 1:08:34

So I helped her publish her books so I can tell you they're available worldwide. You can get them in any book retailer shop. If you go to a local retailer independent retailer and they don't have it, you can ask for them to get it for you. It is available worldwide, so go out and grab your copies of both her books. We will have them linked and listed in the show notes. Also, you mentioned you were on social media. You are on Twitter, which is now ex Facebook, instagram and LinkedIn, and we'll talk to you more in the green room afterwards about some of these other ones out there. So, again, we'll link everybody to your social media so that they can go, follow you and see what you're doing and get, maybe, updates on this new children's book that's coming out. So I have a couple of more questions for you. So any upcoming events, any newsletters, signups, giveaways or anything that you want to share with the audience before we go, do our tip of the week.

Speaker 2: 1:09:37

Yes, so I am presenting at the Eastern Educational Research Association next week on my doctoral paper that I wrote about retention of Asian Americans and higher education. I will be speaking at the beginning of March beginning of March at South by Southwest in Austin, texas, and talking about a parent engagement, along with my panel co-hosts, and we're going to be talking about the trifecta of cultural collaboration and community. So we'll be doing that and I have a new blog. I forgot to tell you about my new blog because I have so much free time and it's called Powerful Parenting. As you can tell, I love this alliteration of powerful and parenting. It's a bi-weekly blog and it talks about different aspects of parent affirmation. So this week's was talking about the camel's walk, and if you know anything about how camels walk which I did not, I was surprised at that from my father about 20 years ago, which, of course, then I had to go Google. But camels walk right, right, front, right back, left, front, left, back, where if you're cat, you watch they walk opposite. Well, camels walk linear.

Speaker 1: 1:11:21

Side or the other.

Speaker 2: 1:11:21

yeah, Because of the sand and they have to make sure they're sturdy and stable.

Speaker 2: 1:11:29

Well, that's an adaptation to their environment. Well, guess what parents? That's what we do every single day. We're adapting to our environment. Like you said, it's a moving target from moment to moment raising children, and so this week's is called the camel's walk. Two weeks ago it was the chaos coordinator, but it's all about how we take our real life events, and we can always bring them back to how we parent, and so this is my new project for this year. It's too long.

Speaker 1: 1:12:11

All right? Well, of course, of course, we're going to have information of these events that she has upcoming and connect you to her blog on her website and get you all the information that she has for you out there. Was there anything else that you wanted to include before we go jump over and do our tip of the week and say goodbye to everyone?

Speaker 2: 1:12:34

I feel like I have shared so much of what I'm doing. I just want to put out that I do sleep.

Speaker 1: 1:12:44

Okay, good, I was getting a bit worried, so glad you clarify that.

Speaker 2: 1:12:48

Now I like to be able to. I had these random thoughts done and like we all do, and this is just my way of handing them down. So, no, but I am all good. Thank you so much for having me. It's been. First of all, I love spending time with you. Every time we connect, I feel smarter and smarter, and I'm just so thankful that we got a chance to chat today. So thank you.

Speaker 1: 1:13:19

Well, I appreciate you being here as a guest, but we got some more to talk about here, so let's jump over to our tip of the week. Typically, we take some problem that the guest has dealt with, that they've mentioned to me in the green room, and we talk about it, because this is how we all learn sharing obstacles, challenges and how we get through. You know, that is more valuable than learning it by yourself the first time. One of the things that she mentioned to me in some of the notes when we were communicating back and forth was that time is an issue. As you can tell, she's very, very busy, very, very busy. She had to clarify she doesn't actually sleep. That tells me one thing that she's very busy and that she has to remind herself to take things one thing at a time.

Speaker 1: 1:14:10

This is a very relevant. I hear this time and time again from authors. I don't have time. I have been working on this for so long and I have so much to do, and I should be further along, and I'm going to take you back to what my normal response is Give yourself grace, you are one person and you are doing what you can. Remind yourself that it doesn't have to happen today or next week or next month.

Speaker 1: 1:14:49

The only thing that is required is progress. That progress could be one sentence, one word, one paragraph, one, anything. It's the act of doing it one thing at a time, one day at a time, over and over, and creating that habit. So, if you don't feel like you have time, think about those spaces of wasted time in your life. We all watch TV, we all scroll through social media, we spend time on YouTube, we do other things, we do things that and there's nothing wrong with those things. But maybe see if there's something that you could give up for 10 or 15 minutes out of your day to promise yourself to focus on, whatever that task is. If it's writing, you'd be amazed how much you can do, whether it's actually writing a book or working on marketing, working on promotion, working on getting the nuts and bolts of your book put together. Whatever it is that you need to work on in that 10 to 15 minutes, and you will feel so much better day after day after day, because even the small little pieces of progress are progress. Even if you didn't get that much done, you'll still look at the end of the week and see that you did something. Something is better than nothing. So I tell people I don't care how you write or why you write or a style you write, because I can fix it and make it better, but I cannot edit a blank page.

Speaker 1: 1:16:40

So next time you're giving yourself a hard time about I don't have time or I'm not moving forward or I'm not getting it done, give yourself grace. Find that 10 to 15 minutes somewhere in your day. Remember, we carry around these amazing devices in our pockets. We don't have to actually write. We can speak. We can speak to write. We can speak to do things. We can have our assisted computer help to make things easier.

Speaker 1: 1:17:16

It's like you know people ask me how I read so many books a month. Well, you know what? When I'm doing laundry, when I'm cooking, when I'm folding clothes, when I'm cleaning my house, when I'm doing other things that don't need my 100% focus, I have audiobooks. You know I get those audiobooks. Same thing with you know, when I'm trying to learn things. You know if I'm looking at a YouTube channel or trying to listen to a webinar or something like that. It's like I find time for those things to do and that's all that you need to do is just find that time in your day.

Speaker 1: 1:17:54

If you miss a day, be okay with it. Life happens and you know we live around the interruptions. So just keep going forward. Give yourself grace and just find that little, tiny bit of space to show some progress. It will help you in the end and I think you'll be so much happier if we stop. And as the mother used to say, she goes in the amount of time it took you to complain about it, you could have done something. So sometimes I have to listen to my mother. It's like stop complaining and start doing. So that's it for us this week on the writer's parachute. We are so glad you were able to join us. We want to thank Penham for being here with us, as always, I am so grateful to be the host here on the writer's parachute, guiding author and writer dreams to perfect landing. We hope that you find this creative space a safe place for your dreams to land as well. Until next time, happy writing everyone. I'll see you back next time. Bye.